Jobs Karkat Shouldn't Do
by FieryFafar
Summary: Karkat baby no.


_1. Teacher_

"YOU ARE ALL FUCKING LOSERS AND YOUR FUTURES ARE BLACK AND DARK LIKE THE DEEP DARK ABYSS OF YOUR SOULLESS DEAD LUSUS' HEARTS!" Karkat screamed as he slammed his palms on the desk, making the students jump in aghast.

One of the students, still in a state of complete bafflement, slowly stretched her arm up and frightfully muttered, "B-but…this is the first day of sc-"

Black eyes glaring at the startled girl, Karkat spat, "DID I COMMAND YOU TO SPEAK ASSHOLE? F FOR YOU! F'S FOR ALL OF YOU!"

_2. Psychologist_

"Please, Doc. I have a problem…" The patient spoke woefully as he lay on the couch.

"Well I believe to understand the point of your problem…" Karkat, who sat next to him with one leg crossed on another, whispered calmly as he emptily stared at his clipboard. The patient – for the first time in his life – gave a small smile, relieved that his psychologist would understand him.

But his smile was annihilated in a blink once Karkat threw the clipboard and screamed, "YOU ARE FUCKING WEAK AND A CLEAR EXAMPLE OF DEATH."

_3. Nanny_

"WHY WON'T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Karkat yelled as the baby in the carriage cried in fear. Left eye twitching crazily, the troll cringed in frustration and slapped his ears shut. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE SOMEBODY GET THIS LITTLE PINK MONKEY TO SHUT UP!"

_4. Cheerleader_

"F IS FOR THE FUCKING IDIOTS I AM BEING SURROUNDED BY." The troll raised his left pompom up in the air as he kicked his right.

"U IS FOR THE UTTER DISGUST YOU HUMANS DO FOR THE SAKE OF CATCHING AN OBLONG OBJECT." Switching roles, he was now stretching his right arm and kicked his left foot forward.

"C IS FOR THE CARE IN WHICH I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO AMOUNT TO GIVE TO ALL OF YOU." Hands on his hips, Karkat swayed his pink skirt left and right.

"AND K IS FOR KILL ME RIGHT NOW FROM THIS STUPIDITY." Eyes on the stunned audience and football players, Karkat jumped high in the air and did a perfect split.

From afar, Jade and John slapped their faces in disappointment. "I told you bringing him into the squad was a terrible idea…" Jade muttered annoyingly, eyes still staring as Karkat threw a fit.

_5. Sex Educator_

"AND THUS THE END OF OUR KNOWLEDGE ABOUT MATESPRITSHIP, OR FLUSHED QUADRANT FOR SHORT," After a long three hours of constant and loud explaining, Karkat finally finished his explanation. He turned around, only to see his students sat in boredom, dismay, and discomfort.

If not for the fact that Karkat had locked the door shut, some of those students had already left the lesson.

Ignoring the groans of despair, Karkat switched to another slide, showing a table of multiple ships and quadrants. "AND NOW ALL OF YOU FOCUS YOUR BRAINLESS ATTENTION TO THE PALE QUADRANT."

Give them a few minutes, and the students were about to contemplate suicide.

_6. Mechanic_

"sO,,, yOU THINK YOU CAN FIX MY COMPUTER?" Tavros asked as he worrily tapped his finger on the blank screen. The troll looked at Karkat, who seemed to be in a thought as he stood beside him.

Tavros's face lit up with a smile as soon as Karkat gave a single nod. "tHAT'S COOL THEN!"

Karkat didn't respond. Instead, he dug his hands inside his toolbox.

And took out a hammer.

"uHH,,, wHAT ARE YOU DO-" Tavros didn't even finish his sentence once Karkat began smashing his computer.

His mouth agape. His eyes widened in complete shock. Snapped from his trance, Tavros swayed his arms up and down in frantic worry. "wHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Not even stopping to stare at the tearful troll, Karkat merely answered, "I'M FIXING YOUR COMPUTER WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING FUCKASS?"

_7. Newscaster_

"This just in: A helpless old lady was robbed while she was asleep inside her house. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. ARE ALL HUMANS THIS STUPID? CONGRATULATIONS KARKAT YOU HAVE CREATED A UNIVERSE FULL OF STUPID." Karkat threw the papers as he began to blow his usual fuse.

_8. Stripper_

"FUCK ALL OF YOU I AM ONE SEXY MOTHERFUCKER." Karkat shouted boastfully as he quickly stripped off his shirt and pants and paraded on stage.

_**END.**_


End file.
